JeanSo, you treat others with kindness, compassion and empathy, in the manner in which you would like to be treated yourself. Hows that working for you? Perhaps one feels that somehow, even though they are good to others, one always seems to receive the short end of the stick. Cannot fathom why people do not seem to reciprocate ones kindness, and may even act in direct opposition to this. Kindness begets kindness, yeah? Or so one would think. One may find themselves wondering if their kindness is seen as weakness in some way, a free ticket to take advantage of oneself, a sign on ones back that says kick me. I am kind to people, why are people not responding in the same way to me? One can see it if they acted unkind, rude, etc. to another, so find it difficult to comprehend as to why this occurs and how to turn this around.
What happens for many of us is that we will find ourselves attempting to be even kinder, giving more of our time, energy and effort in order to turn the tide if you will. If one is like super duper nice, how can anyone not respond positively to this, yeah? Yet they don’t always do they. What the heck is going on here, why isn’t this kindness of ours affording us the same? One may decide that ok, I will be nice to this person because they are nice to me, this one I will treat poorly because they act that way in response to me. Or get tired of being ” the good guy” and behave in the opposite manner and being unkind, The chameleon syndrome. Changing color per se to fit into ones environment. Picking and choosing our actions based upon another’s opinion, frame of reference, flexing our boundaries to fit the person that one is interacting with. No can do.
There are several dynamics that are at work here. One must understand that holding expectation that when one is good to another they will experience the same is like treading on thin ice. When one extends kindness to another hold no expectation. Do because you do, and let it go. Check oneself to reveal what is motivating you, ensure that there is no underlying need that is fueling one to extend acts of kindness. Wanting to be liked, to achieve some sort of personal gain, or done to achieve an end result such as attempting to gain the love of a partner, child, parent, furthering oneself in ones career or business, whatever the case may be. When the way that you interact, treat another, conduct your life is with love and devoid of any hidden form of expectation, need or manipulation, there is no disappointment or feelings of not being treated fairly.
Boundaries can be a tough thing to implement, cant they. Oftentimes they are viewed as being in direct opposition to the kindness that we desire to extend to another. Ever feel as if one is “being mean” by “drawing the line?” So we flex them don’t we, A partner, child, friend or parent is allowed to overstep them more easily, we love them, do not want to be a meanie, they are close to us so we afford them a different set of boundaries, don’t we. We lower the bar, changing color once again. Consistency is crucial in establishing and upholding healthy boundaries. One cannot allow oneself to uphold them one time flex the daylights out of them another. This is utterly confusing to people when one minute you are one way, the next minute you are the opposite, the chameleon once again. People learn how to interact with one by the boundaries that they uphold. Those who have unhealthy boundaries are taught when they buck up to yours. We assist each other in this manner. When boundaries are in place and withheld equally and consistently across the board, there is no kindness being seen as weakness. Its when one flexes time and time again that one sets themselves up for being pushed over. Why? Because one has shown them, taught them this, they do because they can.
People come from different backgrounds and have their own opinions as to what kindness, goodness is to them. Their own frame of reference, personal experience, issues, and subjective idea as to what treating someone with kindness is. When one feels that they are not receiving a fair shake in response to their kind deeds, understand that how you may want to be treated may not be part of this subjective idea that the one that you are interacting with holds. One may think that kindness means the same thing to all people, yet it doesn’t. People know how they act, what motivates them and may project that you are doing the same, have some type of ulterior motive, because they do. Someone who has never known what many of us deem to be as kind behavior will be taken aback, perhaps somewhat fearful, they don’t know it and won’t trust it. One may be triggering another’s issues without even knowing it.One who has not been on the receiving end of kindness will not know how to bestow it as well.
Allow your actions to come from a place of love and interconnectedness of people, not bound by anything else. The energy, the kindness that you extend will be returned, not necessarily in the way you would like to see it, the time that you would want, or from the person that you extended the kindness to, but it will. Do not concern oneself with what others are doing, not doing, their motivations, etc. Whats important is taking a look at ones own. When you do what you do, without expectation, it always works for you.
